How often have you found yourself sitting at home all alone on a Friday night after a hectic work week? There’s no phone ringing with an invitation for dinner, or an offer to go for a walk, or to take in a movie. It’s easy to slip into that familiar empty space of loneliness, but it’s important that you refuse to give into it so it doesn’t envelope you. If this typical scenario resonates with you, then I urge you to ask this question: “What am I going to do about it?”

I travel all over the world, meeting thousands of wonderful people during my lectures and demonstrations. I am acutely aware how easy it is to feel lonely. While traveling may seem romantic or exciting, it can also be an isolating experience.

The difference between solitude and loneliness

Everyone feels lonely at some point in their life, and it’s a universal emotion. We not only feel it on a personal and emotional level, but we feel it deep within our soul. We all need human contact and companionship, to be touched, to be held, to laugh, and to share our feelings, so it’s important to reach out to others. It’s part of how we evolve, learn, grow, and mature as a human as well as a soul. I want to stress that there’s a major difference between being alone and being lonely. You could be alone in a remote cabin deep in the woods, hidden away from civilization and still be at peace within yourself and your solitude. To understand loneliness, you have to understand where it’s coming from and what’s causing it. There are so many different forms of loneliness that can cause pain.

“While traveling may seem romantic or exciting, it can also be an isolating experience.”

If you’re alone, it may be self-imposed or the result of a number of reasons. Every reason will be totally individual, and each solution will be unique. If you’re suffering from loneliness, then do something about it now. Take the responsibility and reach out to others. When you spend time being lonely and don’t invest time in doing anything about it, you risk falling into the mind-set where you end up focusing on the negative, or worse still, you start beating yourself up.

Equally, you can fall into a trap of blaming others for your loneliness. Don’t relive the past over and over again in your mind, as this is precisely why you’ll attract what you’re trying to avoid. There may be some emotional healing required before you begin to feel good about yourself, or if you’ve been let down or hurt in a personal relationship, you may need to learn to trust people again. If you’re not used to being alone, you may need to learn coping skills so that you enjoy being alone. There’s so much support out there, so don’t suffer alone, as I urge you to reach out and ask for help. If you don’t identify what may be causing your loneliness, it’s easy to fill the void with less-healthy remedies, such as drugs, alcohol, bad relationships, or just working all hours. None of these solve the problem – they’re only a temporary solution.

“There’s so much support out there, so don’t suffer alone, as I urge you to reach out and ask for help.”

What you can do to help yourself

I’m a big advocate of support groups for like-minded people, where everyone shares in each other’s story. The love from a small group can be amazing, whether you’re lonely because you lost your spouse or you’ve been through a painful separation. We are all connected in this universe and as a soul, we feel each other’s pain. God put us here to share and to be with each other, as well as to help one another. Remember this goes back to serving your soul purpose of being all that you can be, and helping humanity in a positive way. I also try to push people to try something they never have before. I took a cooking class once and “yes” I was nervous I was alone, but by the end of the classes I had new friends that I still keep in touch with!

Two ideas to help you with loneliness:

  • Volunteer your time: Nothing makes you feel better than when you help another. The benefits work both ways, having a positive affect on you as well. I’m constantly in awe of people who freely volunteer their time. They seem to have ample amounts of compassion toward others, as well as such tolerant and patient natures. When you volunteer your time, you develop a deeper understanding of the world and the benefits can be wide ranging, from enhanced interpersonal skills to improved coping skills. When I am not working as a medium, I volunteer at a local veterinary office. Not only do I work with the vet and meet new friends, but the education I am getting is excellent!

I’m blessed with the opportunity to speak to thousands at my lectures, and I often say: “When you volunteer your time, you get bonus karma points in your favor!” You never know who you are going to meet, and I truly believe that like-minded souls are bound to come together!

  • Become a leader within your community: If you have a business or professional skill, I urge you to join a local neighborhood organization that would benefit from your professional input. Lori, a friend of mine, has a real passion for the arts. She volunteers her time and professional experience to the community art gallery. She helps to organize the art show every month, and sits on the board to ensure the shows are well attended. Although she’s relatively new to the area, she has quickly become a valued member of the community, always talking to someone new. Not only is she spreading and sharing the beauty and talent of the artists, she’s nourishing her soul with the joy of helping others.

No matter what you do or how you work on your loneliness, the point is that you do something that moves you in the right direction toward healing, liking yourself, trusting others, and learning to live a full life. No one else is responsible for your happiness, as it’s really up to you. When you begin to move beyond aloneness, and understand that you’re always connected to your soul, which in turn is connected directly to God the Divine Source, you’ll soon discover that you’re never really alone, but in fact, you’re connected to the whole universe and everything in it.

John Holland is an internationally renowned psychic medium who has spent more than 20 years investigating and developing his abilities as a spirit messenger. When John lectures to full-capacity audiences throughout the country, he refers to himself as the cable between the two phones: “I’m just the middleman.”

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  1. Ornella says:

    Hi John, this is such a great topic and you couldn’t be more right about how you can look at loneliness in so many ways! I just thought I would tell you a little bit about my experience with loneliness.
    For me, my life has been pretty good, some would say we meaning my family went through a lot losing a parent to cancer when I was 9 years old and yes watching my 36 year old mother raise 3 small kids with barely any money was hard and was sad looking back as I got older; but at 41 I realize that’s life well at least it was in the cards for us. But love and support carried us through! So as far as loneliness in that time of my life, well it was hard! I remember having so many family members around us;but yet as a 9 year old little girl I felt so alone! I hadn’t put myself there at that time. It was circumstantial! I felt a huge void losing my dad & nothing could fill it! I don’t know when I realized it but when I did I could deal with it and some of the loneliness went away for awhile. I was an active kid and always made people laugh! I was the one everyone wanted to hang out with because I was fun! Looking back now I was filling my loneliness and void with making people happy! I later realized it was exhausting! It took a long time to realize it; but the good thing is that I did! Don’t get me wrong it was all positive and good for that time but we change & evolve & thank God for that!LOL! Life would be lonely if we didn’t. Anyway then as I matured & got a little older I met my husband( which I truely believe my dad sent him) so I thought for sure loneliness would never be an issue! So 7 years after being together & married we started our family and again at a big & important time in my life I felt alone, it was difficult I had this beautiful baby a great husband so many wonderful people around me; but yet again I felt overwhelmed & alone. People don’t give themselves enough slack to realize that with any experience in life whether it be good or bad comes a certain amount of loneliness because it’s a new experience & you are really experiencing it alone because it’s our own experience! That’s the gift of learning & evolving without that loneliness we can’t evolve! We come into this world alone and we leave alone! It’s not a bad thing, it’s just how it is! It’s all good when we figure it out. When someone dies they have their loved ones around but ultimately that experience is theirs alone! But it’s ok! I think it’s important to remember like the blog said about not falling in deep or isolating yourself and helping others with volunteering! By doing this for others and helping them not to feel alone you are helping yourself! As a mother of three, a wife, a daughter, a friend and so many other hats I wear like volunteering at my kids school & other things that I do, I still feel alone at times and I’m so blessed. So what I think or what I’ve turned my loneliness to is, a time that I respect when I go through it but I also work to get through it! I now enjoy having my alone time where I reconnect with who I am and what I want for myself in this life but having alone time and being alone and having a loneliness feelings are two different things and I realize that now!
    So if people feel alone try to fill yourself with helping others even in the smallest ways( visit someone in a nursing home) and watch and feel the magic it brings you! It’s real it happens! Thanks John Holland hope I didn’t blab too much & I hope I didn’t make too many mistakes it’s late and I’m writing from my iPod LOL
    bye for now! I gotta go to bed!

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