How to Bond Better With Your Family this Christmas – Wayne W. Dyer

Many years ago, when the holiday season arrived and certain relatives were due to make their annual appearance, I felt a sense of increasing dread. Far too many of us suffer from the pain of family get-togethers, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Somehow we allow the expectations and demands of our family members to be the source of so much unhappiness and stress, when what we really want is to be authentically ourselves and at peace with our relatives. The conflict seems too often to be a choice between being authentic, which means no peace with certain relatives, or having peace at the price of being inauthentic. Being peaceful and authentic can define your relationship with your relatives. First, though, you may have to assess your relationship with the closest relative of all—you.

In order to change the nature of family relationships, you’ll have to change your mind about them and consider that you are the source of the anguish in your relationships, rather than the individual whom you’ve pegged as the most outrageous, the most despicable, or the most infuriating.

“Over the years, all of these individuals have been treating you exactly as you’ve allowed them to with your reactions and behaviors.”

Over the years, all of these individuals have been treating you exactly as you’ve allowed them to with your reactions and behaviors. This can miraculously change when you choose to be at peace with everyone in your life—most particularly, your relatives.

If the focus of your inner dialogue about your family members is on what they’re doing that’s wrong, then that’s precisely how your relationship with them will be experienced. If your inner speech centers on what’s annoying about them, that’s what you’ll notice. But if you’re thinking, I am authentic and peaceful with this relative, then that’s what you’ll experience—even if that relative continues to be exactly the way he or she has always been.

The key to having peace in all your family relationships is forgiveness. Your relatives are simply doing what they’ve been taught to do over a lifetime, and the lifetimes of many of their ancestors. Shower them with understanding and forgiveness from your heart. Rather than being in a state of non-peace concerning any family members, say a prayer of gratitude for their presence in your life and all that they have come to teach you.

The likelihood is great that you’ll see dramatic changes in your relatives as you teach them with your own persona how you intend to be treated. But if they don’t change, and if they continue their nonpeaceful ways, let go of your need to see them transformed. It all works in divine order, and the saying Let go and let God guarantees your own peace, and you dramatically increase the odds of helping others to do the same.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays,


One Response to “How to Bond Better With Your Family this Christmas – Wayne W. Dyer”
  1. Ornella says:

    Hello Dr. Dyer!

    Why is Family the most important and yet they are the ones you most want to cut ties with on occasion.
    I’ll begin to say I agree with everything that you have written on this topic and I’m not just saying that because I’m not shy about expressing my feeling about different topics. I’m also not a very forceful person so I tend to go with the flow;but I have to say again that everything you said is right on. I feel I am a pretty easy going loving and a loved person, although at times none of that seems to matter to me when I feel as if I’m a family of convience! That is a statement I have used many times in the past years.I have become better about not surrounding myself with people that are negative or people that don’t seem very interested in you;but it can be difficult at times because of family functions. I want to be close to all family. I think that it should come naturally and I think that’s where I have been so wrong & have faltered. It makes me sad to not have certain relationships with family members that I think should exsist. We often say in life if I only had… if I only talked more to… Well all these things can be carried out but for whatever reason everyone is always waiting for the other person to make the first move, and most times it’ too late anyway. I have had a little Family intervention before about how we should be closer and I would recommend it.Things became so much better but that was on my side of the family and it was difficult because I’m the youngest of three and didn’t want to hurt peoples feeling but I didn’t want to be a hypocrite & complain about them and not do anything about it, so I did & it was pretty awesome. But I believe that sometimes you have to come to a realization that just because you are family it doesn’t mean you have to like eachother. It’s important to move forward & if things change for the better great but if it dosen’t you have to move on. I am easily read when I walk into a room, if I don’t want to be there people will know & I think that would be hard for me to change unless there was change happening around me. I sometimes use to think that being Authentic is what made some of my problems with some family members but it is the only way I can be. I have to say having said all this you could talk to the people that I’m thinking about as I’m writing this and they think that everything is hunky dorey! They have no clue that it takes more than just inviting someone to their kids party to have any kind of relationship. My husband is so great & reminds me that it’s okay & that they would never show others that they have issues with family because that would make them look bad, see I never would of thought of that because I’m honest & I talk about it;but having read this is reminding me to let go & not talk poorly of them anymore to others because I’m projecting a negative energy . Who knows miracles have happened! It may be in store for us. I shouldn’t say this but I will, I won’t hold my breath!!

    Thank you Dr. Dyer for all your great wisdom and insight I am so happy when I read what you have to say.

    Good Day or Good Night Which ever it is & I apoligize for the long comment. 🙂

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