Are You Just Along for the Ride? – Cheryl Saban

ARE YOU LIVING THE LIFE you want, or do you secretly feel that you’ve “settled” for an existence that’s giving you less than you deserve or isn’t what you’ve dreamed of? Regardless of modernity and whopping upgrades in the level of women’s participation in the decision-making process of society, there are many among us who continue to be swept along with the tide of tradition, seemingly helpless (or just unwilling) to change culturally enmeshed habits and rituals. Maybe we’re simply biding our time for the perfect opportunity to speak out, stand up, and take a leadership role in life.

If you have the sense that you’re merely along for the ride, hitched to someone else’s Prius while you wait for your turn—the turn that you’re convinced someone of higher authority will undoubtedly give you—recognize that today is the day God made. Don’t waste it.

“You’re in charge of actualizing your dreams and goals, so take conscious actions to fulfill them.”

Yes, patience is a virtue, and it does seem that all the saints in history had great big doses of it. But you must avoid making the mistake of using patience as a smoke screen for procrastination. Ask yourself the following:

  • Are you currently pursuing any of your passions?
  • Do you feel included, connected, and balanced in your world; or are you continually feeling rejected and detached?
  • Are the tasks and jobs you do satisfying to you? If not, why do you continue to do them?
  • What changes could you make that would make your life more fulfilling? Do you have the courage to make them?
  • Do you accept life’s challenges and try to surmount them, or do you feel overwhelmed by them to the point of giving up?

No matter what your circumstances are at this very moment, come to terms with the reality that you play a part in them. As difficult as it may seem, you have to make an effort to take an objective look at the conditions and results of your life. If you continually feel depressed and are sure that it’s due to the state of your bank account, for instance, reevaluate your perspective. It’s fairly clear that the quality of your life is not directly dependent upon your financial bottom line; it has more to do with your ability to function with the cards in your hand and your capacity for resiliency.

With that said, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t learn to be a better poker player—there’s nothing wrong with figuring out how to use the cards you were dealt with more cunning. Once again, it comes down to personal responsibility and intentions. You’re in charge of actualizing your dreams and goals, so take conscious actions to fulfill them. And realize that the quality of your life (that is, your satisfaction and overall contentment) has an impact on the quantity of your life as well.

For women, it’s not enough just to create a satisfying life for ourselves—although I’ll repeat once again the mantra that it begins with us. We’ve always been concerned with the better good of our communities, children, families, and fellow females. As connection-oriented and hardwired with a need to affiliate and nurture as we are, it’s not surprising that even when we build psychological models to help other women, we’re also considering the greater good of society at large. I’m referring to a basic precept of feminist psychology that suggests personal growth and healing should be accompanied by activism to bring about societal change.

While you have worth whether you’re consciously aware of it or not, creating and proaction on your part: your actions, intentions, and behaviors have a significant impact on how you experience your own worth…and ultimately on your quality of life, too.

Cheryl Saban is the author of What is Your Self-Worth, available now at all leading retailers.

One Response to “Are You Just Along for the Ride? – Cheryl Saban”
  1. Ornella says:

    Hello, I’ve been wanting to comment for a few days but time is so hard to find in what I do at this time of year you know excuses ,excuses and also because of the expectations I have of myself being a mother, wife, daughter and so on….
    It was great what you were saying in one of your last paragraphs about women feeing that we just can’t satisfy ourselves but we have so many responsibilities, so reading that made me find time now to comment.LOL So Thank you.

    Wow this is such a fully loaded conversation. I’ll just blurt everything out as I often do so I hope it makes sense. Again I’m on a timer, as I say that I want to say quickly that , that doesn’t bother me anymore. I found I wouldn’t want it any other way. It’s my life , my family , it takes work. And I think of all the great pleasures that comes with it. Believe me I have my break downs and I wasn’t always so appreciative of these kinds of things; but I’ve learnt with just having a totally different way of thinking, ok not totally I’m not there yet, LOL but with not being so anxiety stricken I know now that everything will still get accomplished whether I’m stressed or relaxed & I’ve figured a way to find the latter in my life. Thank God or I would be a mess. LOL. I’ll give you an example of what I was talking about a few lines ago. So for me I work evenings so that my husband & I tag team with the kids, so before if my kids were sick with a cold & stayed home and then still bring the others to school I used to get all stressed out now I sit back and I say Thank you God that I’m able to take care of this having my job at night allows this for me. My point is look at your life it’s not the same for everyone so find what works for you. The grass always seems to look greener on the other side for so many people, especially women they compare kids, husbands, jobs, cars you get here I’m going and that is stressful in itself. I will just say as I tell my clients the grass isn’t always what it seems and why would you want someone elses life or things when you didn’t pick them or earn them. One thing Jealousy isn’t a component in my makeup & I’m greatful for that too. I think misery, depression, upset & not feeling satistied can sometimes have a lot to do with Jealousy. Lets face it yo can’t always get what you want and that’s being realistic. If you think the grass is greener on the other side ,do some weeding on your end change what you can and find happiness in what you can’t change.
    I hold myself totally responsible for any procrastination in my life, it’s not a fault it’s a lesson to learn for me. I feel fortunate to be able to fulfil my life in the things I enjoy but I also realize that I may not get EVERYTHING in Life that I think I may enjoy. I have made choices to have family, to be there for my clients and being irresponsible can have many ramafications and you can become selfish and not necessarily happy. I have seen it in so many. As far as Self Worth well I feel good about myself (not to toot my own horn but I’ve learnt if you don’t do it for yourself no one will.LOL) I think it’s because of what you mentioned as well when you said your actions and INTENTIONS have impact! I never gave that word much thought before but that’s huge! I question myself on that all the time ever since I read it in a book, it really stuck!

    Okay Cheryl sorry about my brief comment I can never be brief! LOL
    Thank you for such a great read I will be putting this book on my Christmas list If I don’t go buy it for myself first.
    Have a wonderful day!

    Ornella From Canada~

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